“For me the biggest problem still remains my own anger and fear when my boy is crossing the line — especially regarding safety. He has hurt me badly so many times. I know that probably he didn’t mean it but the pain sometimes brought me to tears. I wish I could remain calm in those kind of situations.”
Staying calm when our child hurts us is almost impossible. Pain sends us immediately into our lower brain stem, which governs the “fight or flight” impulse, and our child immediately looks like the enemy. That automatically drops us onto “the low road” of parenting. You know the low road. It’s when you snarl at your child through clenched teeth, or start screaming, or become physically rough. When you lose all access to reason and feel justified in having your own little tantrum.