The FYI’s Divorce Support Toolkit

 

This toolkit was developed by Madiha Tahseen, Ph.D., Youmna Ansari, B.A., Fatma Gdoura, B.A., Jude El-Buri, B.A, and designed by Sarrah AbuLughod, M.A. This toolkit was also vetted by Rafee Al-Mansur, M.S., MFT-R, and Amal Killawi, LCSW. This project was supported by a generous grant from Dar Al-Hijra. We pray that you find it beneficial.

Getting a divorce as an American Muslim may come with many challenges and little help or support on how to navigate them. Lack of guidance may amplify the emotional and physical toll of the divorce process on you and your loved ones, and lack of support may leave you feeling unsure where to turn. 

However, with appropriate support and direction, divorce does not need to feel so difficult and stigmatized. Such support can allow you to properly address some of the issues that may challenge you as you go through this process such as co-parenting, a new reality regarding finances, and managing the stigma you may face from your community. Proper guidance and preparation can also help mitigate the negative effects of divorce on your life, faith, and spirituality.

This toolkit provides resources and practical tips on maneuvering through a divorce, regardless of what stage you are in.

Note: To create this toolkit, The FYI team selected relevant resources from a variety of platforms while keeping cultural and religious sensitivities in mind. Other content, views, and opinions expressed on these platforms do not necessarily reflect the vision and views of The FYI. Some resources in this toolkit were developed by individuals who are not licensed counselors, such as content writers and personal coaches. While still incredibly helpful, these resources should not replace the consultation of a trained mental health professional when needed.

Please note that this toolkit is not a replacement for counseling. It is our hope that individuals and couples will use it as a resource along with counseling.

Click on the section that most applies to you, or go through section by section for specific resources.

Contemplating Getting a Divorce

If you are experiencing stress in your marriage, you may find yourself thinking about separation or even divorce. There are many important questions that you may be asking yourself as you are having this internal struggle. This section provides guidance and resources about how to navigate these questions and areas of concern.  You will find the following subsections in this section: 1) Assess your marriage, 2) Leaning towards divorce, 3) Reconciling your relationship, 4) Conflict in your relationship, and, 5) Children.

Assess Your Marriage

Start with evaluating the state of your relationship to gain insight into positives and negatives of your relationship, and discover choices that you can make to either heal your relationship or end it: 

Try completing marriage assessments which help you become aware of warning signs and really dig into your relationship.  Even if your partner is not willing to take these, you can still take them yourself so you can get your own internal assessment of the state of your marriage

Use this quick and easy assessment inventory, which also comes with a free audiobook and workbook downloads that may also be helpful. 

Take this marriage workability quiz and ask yourself these questions

Engage in muhasaba—or self-reflection to hold yourself accountable. As you evaluate your marriage, ask yourself:red time apart to help you heal your relationship. 

“What is my role in this relationship?”  

“What am I contributing to the conflict in this relationship?”

“How is my past impacting my interactions and experiences in this marriage?

Healing separation is another path you may consider as structured time apart to help you heal your relationship. 

Structure through a healing agreement is essential for success. 

Make sure you are on the same page about the goals and key elements of the arrangement

Discernment counseling is something couples can also consider. It usually leads to choosing one of three paths:

 1. Maintaining the relationship as it is,

 2. Getting a separation or divorce, 

3. OR six months of couples therapy and a recommitment to making the marriage work

While it is not a replacement for counseling, reading through what a discernment counseling session looks like can help you think about the right questions. 

Leaning Towards Divorce

Couples who are leaning towards divorce may be looking for “signs” that they should move forward with a divorce. There is never just one warning sign that signals divorce and signs can differ from person to person, and from situation to situation. Consider these resources if you are leaning towards divorce:

Consider these 36 actions if you are thinking about divorce 

Loss of trust and no indication of change in behavior may be warning signs that divorce is the best path forward

Confusion during this time is normal–consider these topics to find clarity and a roadmap to make a decision

Consider these ideas when you are ready to tell your spouse you want a divorce

Recognize that your religious beliefs will impact how you think about divorce. Read this research summary to understand four specific themes related to how religion, spirituality, and a belief in God influence the divorce decision-making process. 

You are not alone:

Read about the experiences of other Muslims and patterns of divorce in our communities

Understand and learn from the ISPU’s discussion guide on how North American Muslim communities and families manage divorce

If you are unsure as to what signs to look for, here are 5 Telltale Signs that it’s Time to Walk Away 

Reconciling Your Relationship

Here are resources to help you navigate the process of reconciliation if that’s the right direction for you and your partner. Focus on building your relationship skills, communicating effectively, and engage in activities that enhance your connection. Here are some ideas about where to start: 

Shifting away from the blame game and being attuned to each other emotionally are two of the 10 Things to Try Before Giving Up on Your Marriage from the Gottman Institute:

 Create a roadmap for reconciliation

Make an action plan for going forward

Identify what went wrong

Evaluate your relationship: is it Sliding or Deciding?

Discuss needs and expectations

Staying on the same team

Try the 8-step rescue plan as you try to transition from conflict to repair. For example:

Make a list of all the issues you have disagreements about

Fix your focus solidly on yourself

Learn how to express concerns constructively

Learn how to make decisions cooperatively

Focus on the positive and share each others needs

Try these marriage exercises and activities that can help strengthen your relationship. Share them with your partner:

21 couples therapy worksheets, techniques, and activities

Do this “ITS” 2-minute activity daily 

8 couples therapy exercises you can do at home 

Get some more great ideas in the Courtship Roadmap for the Potential Couple section in our Marriage Prep Toolkit

Muslims are not immune to infidelity. If you want to make it work, try the Trust Revival Method to work through the affair 

Consider these parenting strategies to protect your child as you work through marital conflict in your relationship

  Read the ISPU’s community brief about how to promote healthy marriages in Muslim communities

Abuse  in Your Relationship

Mistreatment in a relationship can take many forms and it can be difficult to accept that you are experiencing abuse. Words are powerful and finding the ability and strength to label your experience using the right words can be empowering and shift your perspective about what you are going through. If you aren’t sure if what you are experiencing is abuse, here is a useful assessment tool. Additionally, this section provides more resources on how to determine if you are experiencing mistreatment or abuse in your relationship, what to do about it, and how to ensure your safety. 

If you fear for your safety or are in immediate danger, call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. 

It’s important to understand why it is so hard for victims of domestic violence to leave their abusers. Know the warning signs of domestic violence, even in Muslim communities:

Recognize the signs of emotional abuse and examples of what it looks like

“That’s not what happened–you’re exaggerating” – Learn about signs of gaslighting and how to deal with it

Learn about different kinds of unhealthy and abusive relationships

Learn some techniques for setting boundaries to respect your dignity and worth

Recognize that domestic abuse happens to men too: 

Learn the signs of abuse by your female partner and how to protect yourself

Refer to this booklet to learn about why men stay in these relationships, and what to about it

Read this to know what steps you can take to get help and stop the abuse 

Read and watch these resources to clear misconceptions about abuse in Islam: 

If you are being abused, it is okay to speak up. 

Understand the difference between patience (sabr) and suffering in silence

Waiting can often make it more difficult to leave

Know that Islam promotes justice and healthy relationships

Refer to these FAQs about Islam and abuse

Recognize when a partner who uses Quran, hadith, or other Islamic teachings to justify controlling behavior —and could be engaging in spiritual or religious abuse 

Sexual abuse:

Learn about the myths about sexual assault in the Muslim community

Understand the different forms of sexual abuse and violence

Read this power wheel about sexual violence in Muslim communities

Learn about how cultural and religious traditions can be misused in Muslim communities to silence victims and protect the perpetrator. 

Check out the Peaceful Families Project’s directory of Muslim service providers who specialize in domestic violence.

Children

“But what about my kids?!” When thinking about divorce, considering the possible negative effects it may have on your children is likely one of the major issues you are struggling with. Here are some things to consider as you go through this process.

Think through issues such as children’s relationship with each parent, if they’ve experienced another grief recently, and their ability to cope with stress

Look through the eyes of your child–what do they see in your current home environment?

Think about if you can employ these parenting strategies to protect your child from your marital conflict

Consider how teens may uniquely be affected by divorce 

Should you stay together for the kids? There are circumstances when divorce might benefit everyone. Here are some of the main points to consider:

How are children affected by chronic conflict? Toxic marriages may negatively affect children more so than an amicable divorce

Three key factors typically determine how well children adjust after divorce:

1. The relationship children have with each parent pre-divorce

2. How long and intense the chronic conflict has occurred 

3. Parents being able to prioritize children’s needs during the divorce

Some positive outcomes for children after divorce include: 

1. Children may become more resilient and adaptable 

2. Children have more quality time with each parent, particularly fathers

3. Children have increased empathy for others who struggle 

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In the Midst of Divorce

As you move through a divorce, things can become mentally, physically, and emotionally chaotic. Walking away from a harmful relationship takes courage and strength–and is something outlined in our Deen if it’s the path to be taken. You are not alone–read about the experiences and patterns in our communities, as well as lessons from divorced Muslims as you reflect on your experience. With the support and resources in this section, you can try to mitigate some of the stressors in this process and lessen the negative impact on yourself and your family.  You will find the following subsections in this section: 1) Self-care, 2) Interacting with your partner, and 3) Children.

*Note: Divorce is not a linear process—it’s a transition from the beginning to the very end, and even many years after. You may find yourself coming back to this section even after you have obtained the divorce and that’s okay–be kind to yourself as you move through this transition. 

Self-Care

As you experience a change in your normal routines and lifestyle, you may be going through a wide range of emotions, from anger to anxiety. Engage in self-care throughout the entire process. Here are some things you can try:

Learn how to let go with love and cope with negative emotions 

Recognize that you will be going through many different stages of divorce— understand these stages and the coping strategy you need to use in each stage

Understand your emotions during this time so you can turn your anger into assertiveness and meet your needs

Allow yourself to grieve over your relationship and cope in healthy ways 

When things feel out of control, reclaim control over thoughts using an Islamic perspective

“Your Lord has not forsaken you” – learn how to cope with the trauma you are going through and how it may impact  your faith

Focus on the four “Ms” of mental health – mindfulness, mastery, movement, and meaningful engagement.

Try mindful meditation— a prophetic tradition— which can helping you to reduce stress and anxiety.

If you like being outdoors, one of the best ways to cope with stress is actually gardening

Practice self-compassion and lean on supports in your life

Interacting with Your Partner 

This section provides resources on how to maintain your safety and well-being while interacting with your soon-to-be ex-partner. 

  Understand the different kinds of divorces and processes that you can pursue to obtain a divorce

  If it’s possible for you, consider a collaborative divorce, where spouses are empowered to come to an agreement using collaborative law attorneys, without the need of a judge or court system

  Follow these guidelines for a collaborative end to your relationship

  Try these Do’s and Don’ts for a friendly divorce with low-conflict

Know that each of you may be in different stages of divorce

  Healthy communication with each other will be key for your family.

Using healthy communication skills and avoid common pitfalls

Try the BIFF model of communication: Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm

Think about how you communicate digitally, such as on social media and through text/email

  Think about how you communicate digitally, such as on social media and through text/email

  You may need to think about what to expect from an angry spouse such as accusations of abuse and reneging on verbal agreements

  Be aware of these dirty tactics that your spouse may try and learn how to counter them

If applicable to you, learn how to navigate living together while divorcing

Refer to the “children” section below for co-parenting resources

You may be experiencing doubt or regret about leaving a hurtful relationship, likely projected on to you from others–was it really abusive? Should you have tried more? Maybe you could have been more patient? Refer to these resources to navigate these doubts about abusive relationships in Muslim communities: 

  Learn the warning signs of abuse, even in Muslim relationships

  If you are being abused, it is okay to speak up

  Understand the difference between patience (sabr) and suffering in silence

 Waiting can often make it more difficult to leave

  Know that Islam promotes justice and healthy relationships

  Refer to these FAQs about Islam and abuse

  Recognize when a partner who uses Quran, hadith, or other Islamic teachings to justify controlling behavior —and could be engaging in spiritual or religious abuse 

  Read this power wheel about sexual violence in Muslim communities

  Learn about how cultural and religious traditions can be misused in Muslim communities to silence victims and protect the perpetrator.

If you are working on your way out of an abusive relationship, refer to these resources to ensure your safety and well-being:

  Prepare your path to safety by creating a safety plan about when and how to leave

  Use this checklist of essentials to take with you when trying to leave

  Consider these factors specific to when it’s time to leave and how to get out of your home safely

  Prepare accordingly if you have a court protection order 

  If you are worried about your safety after leaving an abusive relationship, read these tips on what you can do to protect yourself and/or your children

If you fear for your safety or are in immediate danger, call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. 

Children

Informing your child about the divorce can be a daunting task. 

Keep their age in mind when thinking about how to talk to themabout it, what behaviors to watch for and how to help them with the transition

Consider these talking points and reactions for younger children

Learn about the unique ways your teenage children may be impacted 

Follow these 7 tips for communicating about the divorce: 

If possible, talk to your children about the divorce with the other parent. 

Be honest in answering questions

Let your children know what life will be like after the divorce

Emphasize that the divorce is final

Reassure your kids

Be available

Communicate stability, but don’t be afraid to show emotion

Watch this video to help you understand what children go through in a divorce 

Try these children’s books about divorce and separation

Helping your children cope will be a priority during this time to build their resilience

Use these 7 strategies to help them grieve and move forward

Use this checklist to create a stable home environment for your children

Make the transition easier by reassuring your love for them and encourage open and honest conversation about their feelings, among other things

Read about the unique ways you can help your teenage child cope and adjust 

Work on your own resilience so that you can build resilience in your children

Reduce conflict with your partner for your children’s sake during the process: 

Utilize these parenting strategies to protect your child from conflict in your marital relationship during the divorce process

Set boundaries with the other parent to reduce conflict

Try this worksheet and this plan about parenting times, events, communication, and decision making

If you realize you cannot co-parent successfully, consider parallel parenting

Read about the Islamic rulings on parent access to children and visitation rights

Check out the infographics in this section for more pointers

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After a Divorce

Finally getting through a divorce may leave you navigating many emotions, from anxiety about what’s to come to sadness over what’s been lost to even joy at breaking away from a negative situation. Healthy coping strategies and reliance on Allah (swt) can help you come out of this process and move forward with positivity. Refer to this section for how to navigate stressors you may be facing after divorce. You will find the following subsections in this section: 1) Coping with the breakup, 2) Recovery, and 3) Children.

*Note: Divorce is not a linear process–it’s a transition from the beginning to the very end, and even many years after. You may find yourself coming back to this section even after you have obtained the divorce and that’s okay–be kind to yourself as you move through this transition. 

Coping with the Breakup

Allow yourself to grieve over your relationship and cope in healthy ways. Recognize that you will be going through many different stages of divorce— understand these stages and the coping strategy you need to use in each stage. Choose to cope in healthy ways and care for yourself emotionally and physically.

Engage in these steps to cope with an affair and a divorce

“Your Lord has not forsaken you” – learn how to cope with the trauma you’ve been through and how it can impact  your faith

Let go of the shame associated with divorce

Try the strategies to cope with the stress post-divorce:

Share in the responsibility

Recognize emotional immaturity and protect your emotional space

Seek support and know how to ask others for help

Prepare your divorce elevator speech for those you want to tell

Practice self-compassion

Learn how to acclimate to your new reality without your ex-spouse

Set healthy boundaries with your ex-spouse

Try these 6 steps to unearth yourself and explore “Who am I now?”

Identity crisis affects both men and women after a divorce 

Try the Conscious Coupling Process to create a more compassionate breakup process

Know that Allah (SWT) will bring ease for you after this hardship. “Verily, Along with Every Hardship is Ease” (Quran, 94:6). You can sieze this moment and learn more about how you can thrive after a divorce.

Focus on the four “Ms” of mental health – mindfulness, mastery, movement and meaningful engagement

A prophetic tradition, this simple habit of mindful meditation can allow you to be present with yourself both in mind and body, helping you to reduce your anxiety

Consider the power of forgiveness or at least acceptance in helping you heal 

Take these 14 considerations into account when thinking about forgiveness

Yasmin Mogahed gives insight on healing a broken heart

Use your ‘iddah (waiting period) as your “me” time from Allah (swt) and a stepping stone to your new life

Reframe your alone-ness as a tool for reflection, honesty and connection with Allah (SWT) 

You are not alone in this experience. Read about the causes and lessons from divorced Muslims as you reflect on your experience

Recovery

Recovering from a hurtful and abusive relationship takes time and healing. Check out these resources to help you navigate this specific journey:

Recognize that you will have a lot of unlearning and rebuilding to do after you leave an unhealthy relationship 

Try these 5 self-care tips such as positive affirmations and channeling the pain into creativity 

Consider these tips to help you emotionally recover from an abusive relationship 

Consider the power of forgiveness when you are ready, not to excuse the abuser but rather, to work on letting go of your anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge so that you can prioritize your own healing

Heal from gaslighting and learn how to trust yourself again

Children

Recognize that divorce can have negative effects on your children. The resources below offer information about how to help your children cope. 

Get the facts on common misconceptions about divorcing with children

Watch this video to help you understand what children go through in a divorce

Know that a high-conflict divorce has negative effects on children 

Manage the effects of divorce on kids by paying attention to changes in their behaviors

Your teen still needs you during this transition–learn how to help them adjust 

Learn how to meet the rights of children, such as their right to living in a conflict-free zone and to love each parent

The home environment and how you parent with your ex are two key factors in building resilience in your children and protecting them from the negative effects of divorce:

Engage in healthy co-parenting with an ex by using a collaborative and cooperative approach:

Use empathy and your child’s perspective

Set clear boundaries and maintain structure

Relinquish control and accept what’s happening

Maintain your values and live from integrity

Consider these dos and dont’s for forgiveness and transforming your co-parenting relationship

Quality time with fathers post-divorce can redefine the father-child relationship

Use this checklist to create a stable home environment for your children

Follow these 7 rules to protect your children from marital conflict 

Set boundaries with the other parent to reduce conflict

Try this parenting plan worksheet and this plan to outline parenting times, events, communication, and decision making.

If you realize you cannot co-parent successfully, consider parallel parenting

Here are some activity ideas to enhance the parent-child relationship in a divorce

Check out this list of kids books about divorce

 

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Considering Remarriage

“I think I’m ready to remarry.” 

Being open to remarriage happens over time, and comes with unique challenges compared to the first marriage. Use this section to equip yourself with the tools that lead to a successful second marriage and learn how to work on issues connected to a shaky second marriage. You will find the following subsections in this section: 1) Readiness, 2) Rules for a successful second marriage, and 3) Healing from your previous relationship, 4) Children and step-parenting, and 5) Additional resources. 

Readiness

Ask yourself these questions:

“What’s motivating my desire to get married?”

“Have I given myself enough time?”

“Have we battled a storm together?”

“What’s your relationship like with their ex or children?”

“Are our finances compatible?”

“Am I ready to be married again?”

“Do I feel so lonely and desperate that I’m totally miserable without a relationship?”

The above questions are from theknot.com. You can also try this ready to remarry checklist for additional questions.

Rules for a Successful Second Marriage

Build a culture of appreciation, respect, and tolerance

Practice being vulnerable in small steps

Create time and a relaxed atmosphere to interact with your partner

Discuss expectations to avoid misunderstandings

Prepare for conflict

Communicate effectively

Embrace your role as a stepparent (more on this below)

Emotionally attune to your partner

Establish an open-ended dialogue

Practice forgiveness which is one of the fundamentals of marriage

These 10 Rules are from Gottman.com

Heal from Your Previous Relationship

Learn to love again after emotional abuse by trying these strategies 

Uncover if you have trauma from your past relationship 

Recognize that past trauma can be triggered in your current relationship and learn how to cope with it

Conflict can be triggering–accept that it’s a normal part of a relationship that can be managed

Consider the power of forgiveness or at least acceptance in helping you heal and take these 14 considerations into account

Bill of rights for survivors of domestic violence entering new relationships

Children and Step-Parenting

Create a healthy faith-based blended family in your new marriage. It may seem counterintuitive but prioritizing your new spouse and establishing your marital relationship as the foundation of your blended family is what kids need:

Think through these unique challenges facing a blended family before you remarry

Follow these fundamental tips for success in your step-family

Understand the role of a step-parent and the relationships he/she has to navigate:

Relationship with your step-child

Relationship with your spouse regarding the child

Relationship with your spouse’s ex-husband or ex-wife

Use these guidelines about factors that impact being a step-parent and steps to great step-parenting 

Increase healthy communication by asking your spouse these 9 questions about his/her  kids

Learn the basics and rewards of how to be a step-parent, and how to ensure it goes smoothly

Recognize the impact a second marriage has on children and how to create the best situation for them:

Children can experience mixed feelings, sense of loss, and have trouble adapting to new things when you remarry

The ability of children to adjust depends on their age 

Consider these strategies unique to step-parenting a teen

Children also face challenges such as:

Relationship between child and stepparent

Relationship between child and stepsiblings

Visitation and parenting plans

Grief and loss after divorce

Here’s how you can create the best circumstances for your children when remarrying and blending your families

Let children know how important they are and how much you love them

Don’t “compensate” for this rough time by spoiling your child

Become a “kindly neighbor” to your stepchildren – get to know them 

Discipline does not mean anger

Don’t favor your child; don’t favor your stepchild

The key is patience

Consider therapy for emotional difficulties

Be inspired to have a healthy relationship with your ex by these 5 divorced fathers

Additional Resources:

National Step-Family Resource Center 

You’re not damaged goods, we have damaged standards

When your ex has someone new

 

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Later in Life Divorces

“Your marriage is ending as your kids are leaving the house.”

Although divorce among couples over the age of 50 is still not as prevalent as for those under 50, it is rising and becoming a concern in our communities. Divorce in later-life comes with its own set of stigma and challenges but can end with good outcomes. Refer to this section for resources on navigating later-life divorces. You will find the following subsections in this section: 1) Resources for “gray” divorce and 2) Resources for adult children of divorced/divorcing parents.  

Resources for “Gray” Divorce

Learn these 7 key facts about divorce after long marriages

Look out for these emotional issues and how to cope 

Avoid these 10 financial mistakes 

You may be going through an identity crisis after the divorce – use this time as a chance to discover a new you! 

Resources  for Adult Children of Divorced/Divorcing Parents

Navigating your parents’ divorce as an adult child in a unique experience. Although you have strengths that work in your favor than those who experience divorce in childhood, there are negative aspects to the experience as well. With the resources listed below, and trust in Allah’s (SWT) will, you can rise above all the turmoil and find tranquility. 

Consider these 5 things you may face as an adult child of divorce

Try these tips to cope with the emotional toll of your parents’ divorce

Rely on these 5 strategies to help you get through your parents’ divorce

Acknowledge your feelings no matter what they may be

Set firm boundaries as your parents lean on you for support

Seek help for yourself

Prioritize self-care as you try to “parent your parents”

Be kind to yourself and engage in self-compassion

 

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Finances

“How will a divorce impact my financial situation?!”

Financial stability is important for mental health and is a legitimate concern during the divorce process. Consider the following financial issues anytime throughout the process of divorce and even years later. You will find the following subsections in this section: 1) Educate yourself, 2) Refine your financial skills, and 3) Protect yourself. 

Educate Yourself

Learn about the Islamic perspective on finances within a marriage

Be aware of the various things that impact how much a divorce can end up costing 

Educate yourself on the process judges use to determine spousal support if you are going through the legal system

Learn how marital debts are split in U.S. courts

As a man, consider these 11 financial matters

Refine Your Financial Skills

Here is how to do a basic budget for your household

Learn how to declutter your financial life

Try to adopt these 9 stress-reducing truths about money 

Ready your finances for divorce by tracking expenses and organizing your financial documents and records 

Learn how to make a post-divorce budget and survive financially

Try this financial checklist for your remarriage

Consider how remarriage impacts child support

Protect Yourself

Know your financial rights in a divorce and how to protect your assets 

Use these 5 strategies to save money on divorce attorney costs

Know how to protect yourself financially as a woman and avoid these pitfalls 

 

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Providing Support to Loved Ones

Your support during difficult times can mean the world to a friend or family member who is going through a divorce. It’s important to know what not to say to someone going through a divorce and why not to say it as you try to find the words to comfort those you love. Check out the resources below. There are also good resources in Section 4 of this toolkit. You will find the following subsections in this section: 1) General divorce support resources,  2) If you are married or marrying a divorcee, use these resources, 3) If your spouse is a survivor of abuse, use these resources, 4) Responding to abuse – resources for family members, friends and community leaders, and 5) Resources for reducing stigma around domestic violence. 

General Divorce Support Resources

Learn how to comfort appropriately 

How to support a friend 

21 ways to show up for and support a friend going through divorce

If you are married to or marrying a divorcee, use these resources

Consider pros and cons that may exist in being with someone who is divorced 

Create healthy a interpersonal communication style using these 10 rules 

Recognize that your spouse may be triggered by trauma from his/her previous marriage and learn how to cope with it

Conflict in your relationship can be triggering for your partner–accept that it’s a normal part of a relationship that can be managed

Your partner may be experiencing mistrust – read this to learn more about what they may be feeling

Emotionally attune to your partner

If your spouse is a survivor of abuse, use these resources

Help your partner heal from relationship abuse

Try these 10 suggestions for partners of survivors

Consider these bill of rights for survivors of domestic violence and what they hope to expect from you in this new relationship 

Responding to Abuse – Resources for family members, friends and community leaders

Respond with RAHMA when someone discloses abuse to you

Acknowledge that men experience abuse too and need support

Do not engage in victim-blaming which places the victim in greater danger and decreases the chance that he/she will reach out for help in the future:

“She must have provoked him” and other examples of victim blaming – know what it looks like

Understand why victim-blaming is so common

Here are 5 things you can do to support survivors of sexual assault 

Here is what you should do if you encounter domestic violence

Understand why domestic violence victims don’t leave

Resources for Reducing Stigma around Domestic Violence

Educate yourself on the reality of domestic violence in the Muslim community and share this with others

Listen to Muslim survivors of domestic violence

Read and share stories about the unique challenges that immigrant Muslim women and African American Muslim women face 

Consider these 15 actions you can take as a religious or community leader about domestic violence

Educate yourself on the Islamic Marriage Contract using this guide created by Faith Trust Institute

 

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Additional Resources

You will find the following subsections in this section: 1) Additional readings,  2) Support groups,  and 3) Organizations. 

Additional Readings

 Finding Allah Through Divorce

 Protecting Kids from Divorce Tug of Wars: 10 Golden Rules 

 Focus on the Family articles about divorce and marriage

  Online class – Redefining the D-Word: 5 shifts to make peace with your divorce, recover your confidence, and live your best year ever

Support Groups
Support Group Web Address Description
Nasiha Counseling Treatment Center https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/support-group-for-divorced-muslim-women/35702 Support group for divorced Muslim women
Wasilah Connections https://wasilahconnect.org/event/ Wasilah Connections aims to be a social service organization that will create and support individuals by providing holistic support to the challenges people face. They provide divorce support groups regularly.
Islamic Society of Greater Houston https://isgh.org/support/ Support group for Muslims whose marriages have ended. You will find welcoming and supportive people who have shared similar experiences. Facilitators will guide the group to discuss important issues surrounding divorce.
Muslim Women’s Alliance https://mwachicago.org/ Dedicated to empowering Muslim women and girls. MWA’s core focus areas are the development of leaders, fostering community service, mentoring women, and empowering the community through social justice awareness and action.
Organizations
Organization Name Web Address Description
The Faith Trust Institute https://www.faithtrustinstitute.org/ A national, multifaith, multicultural training, and education organization with global reach working to end sexual and domestic violence.
The Khalil Center https://khalilcenter.com/counselingtherapy/ Provides counseling and therapy services. Has web therapy sessions available. Discounted fees based on income, financial assistance, and insurance coverage.
Peaceful Families Project https://www.peacefulfamilies.org/ Programming includes prevention and intervention and addresses domestic violence among Muslim families and communities through collaboration with imams, community leaders and members, social service professionals, activists, educators, legal providers, and youth leaders.
Turning Point for Women and Families http://tpny.org Provides direct services like free counseling, crisis intervention, support groups, and advocacy & referral services for women/children affected by domestic violence that are culturally and religiously sensitive.
In Shaykh’s Clothing https://inshaykhsclothing.com A resource website for spiritual abuse in the Muslim community. They discuss the phenomenon of spiritual abuse, help those directly affected, and work on prevention by providing education, training, and policies.
Heart Women and Girls http://heartwomenandgirls.org Empowers faith-based communities to address sexual violence and improve sexual health literacy. They ensure that all Muslims have the resources, language, and choice to nurture sexual health and confront sexual violence. Their work is culturally-sensitive and developmentally appropriate for the audiences that they serve.
Wellness Through Counseling https://www.wellnessthroughcounseling.com Culturally sensitive therapy and counseling services. Provides individual psychotherapy, marriage counseling, and family therapy.
National Stepfamily Resource Center https://www.stepfamilies.info/ Focuses on the dissemination of research-based resources for stepfamilies and professionals who work with them.

 

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